Five Months and Growing

Height:  27 inches
Weight: 16 lbs 3 oz

Likes: Three words: Fisher Price Jumperoo. Oh. My.  Goodness.  Kiff gets so excited in his jumperoo.  He jumps and laughs and talks.  There is a jumperoo at daycare and one at the nursery at church.  I can usually pick him up from either place and he is in the jumperoo.  He likes his momma now.  He is starting to get clingy to me.  Someone else can have him and he is so very happy, until I pass his line of sight.  Then he is crying and won't stop until I go and acknowledge him.  This makes cleaning very difficult.  Kiff also is loving the dogs lately.  He'll grab Delilah by the face and "hold" her head in his hand (because honestly, can anyone really "hold" a Great Dane's head?).  He did the same thing with my brother's dogs and Alex's parents' dogs.  

Dislikes: I can't think of anything that he dislikes.  He's such a happy baby.

 
Sleeping: Since the sleep regression, I upped his bottles from 4 oz to 5 oz at daycare, that took care of 1 out of the 3 wake ups.  We also moved his bedtime up to 7:30 instead of 8 (with the goal of a 7 pm bedtime) and that took care of another wake up.  He now only wakes once between 3 and 4 in the am, nurses quickly and his back to sleep until 6.

Eating: 3 5 oz bottles at daycare.  In an attempt to get him to sleep longer, we tried feeding him an egg yolk.  He seemed interested at first, but quickly changed his mind.  It did not help with the sleep and we have not tried anything else.  Honestly, it is so much easier just breastfeeding.  Food just complicates things; although, I'm sure solids will start sometime this month.

Playing:  Kiff is so interactive.  He talks all the time.  His favorite syllable is the "duh" sounds.  Alex swears he is saying "Da-da", but I know better.  Until he intentionally says something, it's just noises.  At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  We've been putting him on the floor more recently to see if he'll try and crawl.  He either pushes his legs or lifts his chest, just not both at the same time, so he reminds us of a beached whale.

Kiff is growing so quickly and as much as I enjoy watching him learn new things and grow, it is so bittersweet.  We're having revival at church and the guest pastor told a story of butterfly hair clips in his bathroom and how he told his wife to tell their daughter to use the kid bathroom and not take theirs over.  The wife gently told him that before long, there will not be any butterfly hair clips on the bathroom counter because their little girl will be grown.  I was blubbering my eyes out.  I am really trying to cherish every moment with Kiff and find joy in the early mornings or late nights.

Four Months and Growing

Height: 26 inches
Weight: 15 pounds

Likes: Nana Fran brought home two old swings from work that were no longer used.  The fisher price kind that hang on an outdoor swing set.  We immediately set one up at Nana and Papaws and Kiff fell in love.  We quickly set up ours at our house as well.  If Kiff is being a fussy butt, I put on his jacket, grab a blanket, and put him in the swing; he's happy within minutes.  He's loving bath time more and more each bath, shown by more and more water on the floor than in the tub by the end of his bath.  Kiff has also found his feet, making diaper changes increasingly difficult.  I have a feeling his socks will not be staying on much longer.
Dislikes: Kiff still doesn't like being on his back, and he's starting to learn to turn over from back to belly.  He can get to his side and he throws his little legs, but hasn't quite made it to his belly yet.  Alex also makes this noise that sounds like he's trying to clear his throat, it makes Kiff cry.

 
Sleeping: Oh growth spurt and sleep regression, how I loathe thee.  About 2 weeks ago, Kiff started waking several times a night.  It has been zero fun.

Eating: I know he is taking 4 oz per sitting since that is how much I send in his bottles for daycare.  I feed him in the morning, he usually takes 3-4 4 oz bottles at daycare, and I feed him 3-4 times in the evening.  We have no plans to start solids for another month or so.
Playing:  Kiff is grabbing at everything with in his reach and quickly placing these items in his mouth: feet, oball, bib, paci string, Sophie, everything really.  Sophie is probably is favorite toy.  He's showing all the signs of teething, but we still haven't seen or felt any trying to pop through.

It is so special to pick Kiff up in the afternoons after a long day of work.  I enjoy taking him home and just loving on him sweetly.  He's such a sweet boy and time really is going by too quick.  Before we know it, it'll be Christmas and he'll by 6 months old.  I'm in no rush for him to grow up.

Three Months and Growing

2 month for reference

Height: 25 inches
Weight: 14 lb 8 oz

Likes: Kiff still loves being naked.  In fact, you will soon see him in his "I love being naked" onesie I bought him.  He's learning to splash in the bath tub.  He has decided he likes the swing at the preschool but not the one at home.

Dislikes: Being on his back.  Kiff is a tummy sleeper.  We always know if he is on his back when he wakes up.  Instead of being the typical happy wake up baby that he is, he will be screaming before we get into his room.

 
Sleeping: Still awesome.  He has started going to bed between 7 and 9, since he wakes up at 6:30 each morning.

Eating: I know he is taking 4 oz per sitting since that is how much I send in his bottles for daycare.  I feed him in the morning, he usually takes 3-4 4 oz bottles at daycare, and I feed him 3-4 times in the evening.

Playing:  Takes everything around him in.  Loves to look around and see what is going on.  Although he can't reach the floor, he likes to play in his jumperoo (we put pillows under his feet).  He has started to swat and grab for things above his head.  He'll follow me with his eyes if I'm in the room and smiles when I return to his line of view.

We love Kiff more than anything and can't believe he is already a quarter of a year old.  Time needs to SLOW DOWN!

Two Months and Growing

Just for comparison

Height: 24 inches (88th percentile)
Weight: 12 lbs 12 oz (57th percentile)

Likes: Kiff still enjoys being held and loved on.  Loves sleeping on his belly.  Also, has begun to enjoy the bouncer we just bought him.  He's beginning to find and learn that his hands and feet are attached to him and is constantly trying to chew on his hands.  Oh, and being naked.  The child will go from screaming and crying to smiles and giggles as soon as you lay him on his changing table and strip him naked.

Dislikes: I can't really think of any dislikes.  He's such a content baby.  I'll have to ask Alex if he knows of any dislikes.

Sleeping: Kiff is a champ at sleeping.  The last two weeks Kiff has slept 9-11 hours, closer to 11.  We've tried several times to have his bedtime early, like 7-8ish, but he wakes up every 3 hours if we try putting him down that early.  We keep a consistent 10 pm bedtime with a wake time of 9.  I know this will change when I go back to work, but I'm enjoying the sleep.  Even though he's sleeping till 9, I'm still having to wake around 5 to pump as I'm working on a freezer stash for when I go back to work in *gasp* 2 weeks.

Eating: Again, a champ.  No problems latching or eating.  Gaining good weight.  Easily changes from breast to bottle.  He's an awesome baby.

Playing:  Definitely more alert now.  He kicks his feet to make his bouncer bounce and has even managed to hit the spinning animals above his head.  He just giggles and smiles.  He's a pretty awesome kid.  

Kiff is growing more and more each day.  He's also learning new things each day.  We are so blessed to be his parents and are so thankful that God granted him to be our child.

My husband is my hero

It has really been on my heart to express my love for my husband up here.  I posted the following facebook status shortly after giving birth: "Ladies, there is nothing sexier than watching your husband love your child". While that is still true, I would alter that statement to you don't know how much you love your husband until you watch him love your child.  Alex has been amazing.  I am so gracious that he was able to take several weeks off with Kiff and I as we started our family of three.

There was never any doubt that Alex would be an amazing father.  He's always had a special way with kids (and if anyone knows me, I do not have a special way with kids).  Kids flock to him.  I partially believe because he's a big kid at heart still.  There is nothing Alex hasn't done to help with Kiff (except breastfeed, but I'm sure he would if it was possible).  He refused to leave Kiff and I at the hospital (even though I tried to get him to go home and take a shower).  He caught me when I passed out before my blood transfusion.  He helped me out of the bed to go to the bathroom.  He would bring me Kiff so I could feed him and then hold him when finished.  When we got home from the hospital, he did everything possible to make me comfortable to make my recovery easy.

We have been very blessed with a child who likes to sleep at night.  As stated previously, Kiff has slept 4-6 hours at night since we have brought him home.  This time has slowly been stretching to 8 hours.  Alex has made nights so easy for me.  I usually give Kiff his last feeding around 9 or 9:30 and then Alex will hold him and rock him to sleep (Alex does a much better job of getting Kiff calmed down than I) while I get in bed and sleep until his early morning feeding, allowing me an average of six hours of sleep each night.

He's also been so understanding of me and the crazy hormones that I've been having.  He's rubbed my sore muscles and aching back and feet.  He's loved my son unconditionally.  He's my rock and I don't know what I would do without him and would not know how I would have gotten through Kiff's first month without him, and I'm not looking forward to him going back to work (on nights) next week.

Alex's first father's day.

Kiff post-bath with Alex

Caught sleeping.

Sleeping in the hospital (probably why Kiff falls asleep on Alex so well).

Kiff's first bottle.

Real men wear babies.

One Month and growing

One Month and Growing...


Height: 21.5 at 2 week checkup
Weight: 8 lbs 15 oz at 2 week checkup; according to my scale: 11 lbs

Likes: Kiff enjoys being held and loved on.  He loves riding in the car or in his stroller on a bumpy path.  If he is upset or fussy a car ride will usually calm him right down.  He loves looking at the lights and loves when I open the blinds and he can look up and see brightness.

Dislikes: His crib.  One thing I learned quickly is to never say never as a mom.  I always said I would always put my child in his crib from day one and would never let them sleep in our room; oh how quickly that changed.  Kiff SCREAMS bloody murder when you put him in his crib.  We're pretty sure it's because of how the crib's flatness.  He also doesn't like being on his back.  From the time he was born, he was immediately rolling on his side when placed on his back (I fully believe this is due to the last month of my pregnancy, he had no room and was curled on his right side: head down, butt in my right ribcage, feet in my left).  Usually to calm him we can place him on his belly and he will knock right out.

Sleeping: I can say we have been extremely blessed as new parents.  It was rocky in the hospital, but Kiff's first night home he slept 5 hours (in his rock 'n play) and has slept anywhere from 4 - 6 hours consistently.  Last night he slept for 8 straight hours, which is probably why he fed from 5:30 - 9 almost non-stop.  Naps are hit or miss most days.  Some days he's very predictable: eat, look around, fall asleep repeat in 2-3 hours, other days (like yesterday) not so much.  He did not want to sleep and was fighting with it most of the day.  It took daddy to get him to sleep.

Eating: I also said I would always put my baby on a schedule from the beginning: eat every 2-3 hours. Nope, not my kid.  He eats on demand, which is typically every 2-3 hours, but it may be every 4 or every 30 minutes (like yesterday).  We are exclusively breast feeding (with an occasional bottle of pumped milk).  For the most part, he latches well and I have minimal pain.  He eats very well.  He has received two bottles of formula and did very well both times.

Playing:  Not quite doing any playing yet, but Kiff is definitely alert at times.  His eyes get real big and he'll grin (probably due to gas).  Pretty much from the beginning he would turn his head to where my voice was/is.  He also has been lifting his head from the time we brought him home, even more now.  He'll lift his head and turn it back and forth.

Overall, we are so blessed by how much Kiff is growing.  He is a happy and healthy baby.  I'm excited to watch him grow each day and learn new things, although I am also saddened because I don't want him to grow up.  He is such a beautiful baby and I love watching him grow into a handsome young man that he will one day become.

Birth Story

Monday, June 3rd I was just as miserable as I had been my entire pregnancy. I was highly disappointed that the due date I had in my mind (May 30th) had come and gone.  I was even more disappointed that the next day we were heading to our 40 week appointment (although I had already made up my mind I was not leaving that appointment without being admitted or being given an induction date).

Alex and I were laying on the couch watching the series finally for Secret Life of the American Teenager.  I was having contractions, but that was nothing new, so I decided to take a bath (our water billed doubled the last two months of my pregnancy for the amount of baths that I took) since that would typically subside my contractions and allow me to rest and get some sleep.  I could not get comfortable in the bath tub so I got out and decided to lay down in bed.  Laying down lasted all of two seconds and Alex came into the bedroom because he heard me stirring.  I was standing and leaning over the bed and my water broke (this was about 9:30).  There was absolutely no doubt that it was my water since it was a gush.  I rushed to the bathroom and Alex started rushing to put his stuff in the hospital bag.  As soon as my water broke, contractions started strong.  There was no long hours of laboring before my contractions were unbearable, they were pretty much unbearable immediately after my water broke.  Alex's exact words: "get in the truck, I'm not delivering a baby at the house".  I promptly followed instructions, only stopping to get a trash bag and towel so I wouldn't ruin the seats.

As Alex sped down I-85 to the hospital, I called my dad to let him know my water broke and to tell mom to head our way.  We then called Alex's parents and texted a couple of close friends.  We arrived at the hospital, quickly got checked in and was in a room in no time.  I was extremely relieved to learn that the doctor on call was Dr. Palmer, who happened to be our favorite.  They hooked me up to monitors and asked how far apart my contractions were.  I told them I was in too much pain to time them and Alex said about 3 minutes (which is what the monitors said).  They took my blood to send off and hooked up an IV and gave me stadol to ease the pain (I do NOT recommend this, I was so loopy, I barely remember anything from my delivery).  I was 4 cm dilated.  45 minutes later, I told Alex I felt like I needed to push and to get a nurse.  Apparently, they looked at him like he was crazy when he told them that, but they came to check me again anyway.  Next thing I know, they are getting the warmer set up as well as everything else for delivery; urgently paging the doctor and anesthesiologist.  Then I hear my nurse say "I've caught one once before", so I of course begin to question if I'm about to have a baby and how far was I.  In 45 minutes, I had dilated to 9 cm and 10 was right around the corner.

I also overheard the anesthesiologist's name was Mark, so every time the door opened I was yelling for Mark.  Mark finally showed up and I found out it was too late for an epi, so my only option was a spinal block that only lasts 45 min - an hour and half.  He was getting everything ready, they got me on the edge of the bed hunched over and a contraction hit that threw me back on the bed.  Mark calmly told me I was progressing to fast and if I wanted drugs, he only had one more shot to set the block.  You bet that got my butt in gear to be still and sit through the pain.  I didn't even feel him place any of the three (large) needles Alex described, and the best news is that it worked.  Almost instantly my feet were numb.  Dr. Palmer arrived soon after (or maybe before).  Again, the stadol made me extremely loopy.

Right after the block it was time to push.  If I do it again, I'm not sure if I will get any drugs.  It was so difficult to tell where I was pushing since I was numb from the waist down.  I was falling asleep between contractions due to the stadol.  I lost vision in my left eye and lost my peripheral vision in my right eye.  After 45 minutes of pushing, the doctor attempted to use the vacuum, which didn't work.  Finally, he had to do an episiotomy and used forceps to help Aiden Kiff Greer arrive at 12:26 am on June 4th.  He was a wonderful 8 pounds 8 ounces, 20.5 inches long.  He was such a pretty baby.

All in all my L&D was not bad at all.  Pretty much 3 hours from start to finish.  I know most were shocked since my dad posted I was on the way to the hospital at 9:30 and then we posted Kiff arrived at 12:26.  Next time (if there is a next time), I think we'll just camp out at the hospital the last week, since they say your subsequent pregnancy delivery times get shorter.

Thanks for all the encouraging words and support.  We are so extremely grateful for a relatively quick and easy delivery and for our awesome nurse staff at Thomasville.  We love sharing our baby with friends and family and are accepting visitors!  Pictures to come soon (or just check out facebook).

37 Weeks

How far along? 37 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: +22 lbs and I'm not ashamed of that.

Maternity clothes?  Oh yea, only now they aren't even comfortable.

Stretch marks? I do not want to even talk about it.

Sleep: Oh sleep.  What is that?  Oh how I miss you.

Best moment this week: I guess finding out I'm 1 cm dilated, although I know I could be that for weeks.

Miss Anything?  A glass of wine, cupcake moscato to be exact.  This hasn't changed.  Oh, and sleep.

Movement: Most definitely.  He is pretty much in a constant state of movement.

Food cravings: Um I'm practically eating everything in sight.

Anything making you queasy or sick: After I eat everything in sight, I feel nauseated.  Go figure.

Have you started to show yet: Oh yea, I'm a fatty.

Gender: a lovely little boy: Aiden Kiff Greer

Labor Signs:  No, but bring them on!!

Belly Button in or out?  Looks like a donut.

Wedding rings on or off?   Yea, I lost those around my baby shower.

Happy or Moody most of the time:  I'm miserable and I'm sure I'm miserable to be around.

Size of Baby: I'm not even sure, 6.5 lbs according to baby center.

Looking forward to: Meeting my baby boy.

Rubber Ducky, You're the One!

We purchased our home in February of 2010, a week after we got engaged.  We started working on it right away.  We painted the kitchen, living room, master bedroom and bathroom.  We decided to leave some things to work on as time went on.  Last summer, Mom rocked things again and came and helped me paint all of our kitchen cabinets.  It was a job and a half, but it looked so great when we finished.  I also chose a new paint color for the living room: a light gray.  However, what we never did was the dogs room or the guest bathroom.  As you saw, the dog's room was turned into the nursery and looks awesome!

When registering for bathroom items, Alex of course loved anything with ducks, so I decided that I would do a rubber ducky theme for the bathroom (word of advice: don't tell people you are doing a rubber ducky theme for your bathroom, you'll end up with 4976 rubber duckies in all shapes and sizes...seriously).  I picked out a real pretty blue color that looked like water and the search began for a shower curtain.  I couldn't quite find anything I liked so I kept dragging my feet.  I wasn't in a huge hurry; the bathroom was 100% usable, just not pretty at all.  Mom promised she would come back and help get it ready, but I, again, wasn't worried at all, plus I was more than thankful for all the work Mom and Dad had already done.

Fast forward to me coming home from work Monday afternoon after Spring Break.  First thing I noticed was the dresser we were going to use was painted and put back together (yes, the dresser I still don't have a picture of, although there is a pic on facebook).  I thought that was the surprise.  I knew Alex couldn't have done it, he had been at work all day.  Out pops my friend Lauren recording my reaction (I have asked for that to remain between just us).  I was so impressed.  Again, I thought that was the surprise, not quite.

I walked in and saw the bathroom, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Bobble head ducky soap dispenser = awesome.

When I say the room was in rough shape before the transformation, it really is an understatement.  Old faucet, sheet rock putty on the walls, half hanging light fixture, ugly switches.  It was bad.  I found out Lauren's dad came and painted the dresser and watched Sarah Kate while Lauren TRANSFORMED my bathroom.  I could only cry.  My parents, husband, in-laws, everyone was in on it.  I'm not an easy target to surprise and Lauren outdid herself.  Jim helped replace the faucet, light fixture, and switches.

We received a ton of great gifts from friends and family, but this was probably by far the best (in addition to all the work my parents helped us do).  I can't describe the weight that was lifted off my shoulders that I did not have to do anything to get the bathroom ready.  I also cannot express my gratitude to Lauren, Jim, and her dad Tim.  Thank you so much for everything you did, have done, will do for Alex, myself, and Kiff.  I know Kiff can't wait to meet his Aunt Lauren and Sarah Kate.  Thank you for always being there for me, especially when I'm being ridiculous and hormonal!

Nursery Debut

When I found out we were having a boy, I knew (according to Alex) we had two options for nursery decor: baseball or outdoorsy.  If you know me, you know I do NOT like baseball (I know, un-American) and therefore was not an option for Kiff's nursery.  We decided to go with an outdoor theme, specifically what I call "woodland".  There were things I knew that I did not want.  I did not want cutesy, baby, bundled bedding set, tall back crib, and I could go on.  The harder part was trying to decide what I did want, so I did what any girl would do: I turned to Pinterest (check out my nursery board here). You'll notice on the board, I had TONS of owl things pinned and most of those did not end up in the nursery, but I do have a few of them!  Without further rambling, here are pictures of Kiff's nursery.

View from the door.  I would try and pick one or two things from this pic that I'm in love with, but really I love it all.  The crib is perfect (Alex found it).  I love the branch (found in the woods next to our house) with his name hanging.  I love the bright green furniture, chair, and curtain.  Both the dresser and nightstand were pieces we already had that we decided to refinish.

You can see here that we also used a branch as a curtain rod.  I love the cubed bookshelf with the burnt orange cubes.

Delilah trying to figure out what happened to her room.

The rest are some details of the nursery.

These are the silhouettes of woodland creatures I made.  There are five: squirrel, deer, fox, duck, and raccoon.  These hang above the dresser (which I just realized I didn't take a picture of, I'll update later).

Duck lamp

 My dear friend, Lauren, made this for Kiff.

I would say Kiff has plenty of clothes; I seriously doubt he will even be able to wear them all.

I really love the glider, our biggest splurge for the nursery.  I picked this out before we were ever pregnant.

I love the wipe container that was specifically made with Kiff's name we received as a gift.  

(And yes, that is a pee pee teepee in the shape of a baseball)

That's all of the nursery (except for the dresser which I will add later).  I hope you enjoy.  I am very pleased with how it turned out.  I really wish I would have taken a before picture.  This room was the dog's room for 3 years.  Where the dresser is sitting there was an additional closet that we tore out.  Macy had her puppies on the carpet, so that had to be ripped out and replaced.  There were holes in the wall that had to be filled.  The closet shelving had to be replaced.

If it were not for my parents and my husband the nursery would still NOT be finished.  My parents took a week off of work to come and close in our back porch to make a sun-room for our dogs (pics to come).  While dad, with Alex's help when he wasn't working, did soooo much work on the sun room, Mom was working extremely hard on the nursery.  I tried to help with painting, but I couldn't be around the fumes.  While everyone else was working hard, I was piddling around in the house, feeling completely useless.  I will never be able to show the amount of gratitude I have in my heart for my parents and all they did to help us get ready for Kiff's arrival.  I know he will right at home in his nursery.

Coming soon** to the blog:
- Kiff's/guest bathroom (tears will be shed in the writing of this post)
- Sunroom
- Update on pregnancy (35 weeks!!!)

It'll Be Worth It

**Warning: this post is going to be a bit raw and extremely long**

I don't know if I can verbalize how much I dislike hearing those words right now.  "It'll be worth it".  I know it will be worth it, but right now those are not the encouraging words I want or need to hear.  I kinda feel like it's a cop out for someone who doesn't know what else to say.  Let me back up.

In October of 2011, Alex and I had a pregnancy scare, i.e. we thought our birth control had failed and we thought we were pregnant.  To both of our surprises, we were disappointed when we were not pregnant.  For anyone that knows me, they know that I am a planner.  I couldn't just get pregnant without a plan.  We started talking time line, budget, jobs, house, everything.  We started praying.  Praying that when the time was right God would bless us with a child.  Being a teacher, I wanted to deliver at the end of the school year/beginning of the summer so I would have all summer to nurse, spend time with my baby, and adjust.  We got pregnant our first month of trying and we were ecstatic.

We then begin planning on who to tell first and how to tell them.  Alex's sister, Erica, was in Paraguay for a semester and we decided we wanted to tell her first.  We bought shirts for our dogs that said "Big Sis" (I know nerdy), and Skyped her.  It was so exciting to be able to tell someone.  We then sent the picture of the dogs in their shirts to my brother and his wife, Curtis & Kris, they were also very excited for us.  After our siblings, we told our parents.  We gave our moms gifts of Willow Tree Grandmother figures and for our dads I painted canvases that said "Great dads are promoted to Grandad".  Our families were very excited for us, but quite disappointed that they couldn't shout it from the rooftops, since I was only about 6 weeks pregnant.

We had our first ultrasound at 9 weeks and it was amazing hearing our baby's heartbeat.  We were slightly confused when they told us we were only 8 weeks pregnant.  Quite frankly, I still think they are wrong with our due date.  Remember when I mentioned being a planner, yea, I tracked my ovulation for 3 months before we actively began trying to get pregnant.  I knew when I ovulated and knew when we conceived.  I guess we'll find out when the baby finally gets here which due date is correct.

Shortly after that ultrasound, the morning sickness (what a joke of a name) began.  I was sick all day.  Meds didn't help any at all; they just made me not physically throw up, I still felt queazy all day.  I would much rather just throw up than feel sick to my stomach all. day. long.  The all-day sickness lasted until about 18 weeks, when we finally were able to find out the gender of our baby.

A precious, wonderful, healthy little baby boy: Aiden Kiff Greer.  Alex said he knew all along, I had no clue one way or the other.  We were so excited to have our ultrasound at 18 weeks.  We got to see on screen our baby again.  He was healthy.  Everything looked wonderful: his measurements, his face, his two arms, his two legs, his spine, and even his penis.  I know, that's weird, but as his mom, I wanted everything to be perfect.  He was turning and spinning and moving all around.  I still hadn't felt him move yet though.  I could see him moving on the screen, but I couldn't feel him move inside me.  That was a struggle.  Several pregnant friends who were not as far as long as me had been feeling their little ones move for weeks prior to me.  It was so hard whenever they would ask if I had felt anything yet and I hadn't.  Then, I finally felt him.  Alex was working nights and I was propped up on my belly and he moved.  I called Alex in such excitement.  Of course, he was then very excited to be able to feel Kiff move as well.  Weeks go by and Alex can feel no movement.  Alex reminds me that his buddy, whose fiance is due the week after me, has been able to feel his baby move for a week or so, which sends me crying hysterically.  I wanted so badly for Alex to be able to feel our child, and of course he did, eventually.

Right after our ultrasound, when the "morning" sickness began to fade, I got sick.  I got the crud that was going around.  Somehow I managed to not get the flu when Alex had it for a week, but I got the crud, probably from my students, and IT was AWFUL.  I couldn't take anything.  I couldn't sleep because I couldn't breathe.  I called my State Health Plans 24 hour nurses hotline to see if I could take a nasal spray (1 shot up each nostril was all that was keeping from a good night's sleep), and after waiting an hour for the nurse to call me back and answer her ridiculous questions, she informed me I probably had pneumonia and needed to immediately head to the ER.  I had an emotional breakdown, again (and if I'm really honest, these emotional breakdowns come pretty regularly these days), followed by a night of worry and no sleep.  The next day, I called my OB who called me in a prescription of Flonaze.  Praise be to flonaze, because after 4 sleepless nights, I was able to sleep.

Things slowly began to look up.  I finally started to get over the crud that I had after about two weeks.  I was able to begin cooking, cleaning, and doing things besides sitting on the couch from 4 - 9 pm, because I could barely walk when I got home from work due to my back pains (I was going to the chiropractor, with the ok from my OB, twice a week).  I truly felt like a wife again.

Then the past week hit.  Last Wednesday I went in for my regular visit, with the addition of my glucose screening.  This is a 1 hour test where you drink 50 grams of glucola (a real sugary drink) and then they test your blood.  This test just gives an idea of where you fall on the gestational diabetes chart.  It is non-conclusive, meaning, if you "fail" this test, it doesn't mean you have GD, it just means you have to take the three hour test, which is conclusive.  I did fine with the glucola, they drew my blood, and then I almost passed out waiting for my room to see the OB.  They pricked my finger and my iron levels were low: I'm anemic, no surprises there.  I should probably mention here that about twice a week about 8 am, I get really light headed, fatigued, and dizzy and have to lay down in the workroom before first period.  After I got some color back in my face and the room stopped spinning, we got to hear Kiff's heartbeat and he is doing very well.

The next day, I call for my lab results, and turns out I failed the glucola screening, meaning I have to take the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT), the 3 hour test.  No food 12 hours prior to the test, you go in they take a fasting blood sample, drink 100 grams of glucola, and then 3 more blood samples: one at one, two, and three hours.  I took that this morning.  For starters, I don't skip breakfast.  I get sick if I skip breakfast, so needless to say, not having breakfast and getting blood drawn (usually pass out at the sight of needles), and 100 grams of sugar all before 9 am didn't go so well.  I tried to hold the drink down.  I knew if I threw it up, that would be it, a sick day wasted, and I would have to come back and try the test again.  Hour one blood sample was suppose to happen at 9:45, at 9:30 I threw the entire glucola up.  I notified the nurse that I hadn't kept it down and they called me back to reschedule the GTT.  I was devastated.  I hate needles, I hate real sweet stuff, but most of all I hate not knowing if my baby is getting everything he needs to continue growing healthy.  Alex tried to ask me what they told me, but I just placed my hand up and pointed outside.  As soon as I walked out the door of the OB, the tears came.  I don't just mean simple tears down my cheek, I mean, the floodgates opened and I lost it.

Why me?  Why am I the one to have the horrible pregnancy.  If it's not one thing it is something else and I am so sick of the "when you hold your baby for the first time it will all be worth it".  No crap.  I know this.  I know when I finally get to hold Kiff for the first time everything will have been worth it, but I'm tired of hearing that.  That does not make me feel better, it actually makes me feel worse because that means I have to keep looking at all the pictures of everyone else's babies on facebook, twitter, and instagram, and have envious feelings because they get to hold their child and no longer be pregnant.  I know I should want my baby to stay in as long as he can, he's safe in there (I hope), I can protect him.  The longer he bakes, the healthier he will be when he is born, but all I can hope is that he will come early.  I'm tired of being pregnant.  I'm tired of my back hurting.  I'm tired of being a sucky teacher because I feel like crap all day.  I'm tired of being a sucky wife because I can hardly move by time I get home.  I hate not being able to see my feet.  I hate feeling like I waddle everywhere I walk.  I hate people feeling like just because I'm pregnant, I'm the new Buddha and they can just rub my belly, like it will give them good luck (Side Note: if a pregnant woman wants you to touch her belly, she will let you know, in the mean time if you didn't put it in there, don't touch it).  But most of all I hate feeling this way because I feel like I am ungrateful for being able to be blessed enough to get pregnant on the first try, to be able to get pregnant at all, or to be able to (hopefully) carry our child to full term.  I feel guilty for feeling this way because I would never want our son to feel like his mom didn't want him or regrets the decision to have him.  I feel awful when I express to Alex my desire to never get pregnant again.

I am so thankful for the blessing of being able to get pregnant and carry our child.  I am a part of an elite group of women who have gone before me.  I thank God everyday for our child.  I thank God for an amazing husband who is so supportive and holds me when I cry and when I'm being a bit ridiculous.  A husband who helps with the housework when I just can't seem to stand on my feet any longer.  Who doesn't complain when I hog most of the bed or didn't cook dinner.  He helps me off the couch because I feel so fat I can barely move or get up.  He tells me I'm beautiful when I feel hideous.  He tells me I can decorate however I want for the baby.  Most of all, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me.

I know in the end, yes, everything will be worth it.  I will hold my child and love him like a love I have never known.  I will cry when my husband holds his son, the next generation.  I look forward to my parents, and Alex's, meeting our child for the first time.  I can't wait to see my brother hold his nephew. I can't wait for Kiff to say his first word or take his first step.  Hit his first homerun.  Meet his first love. Go to prom.  Graduate.  Go to college.  Graduate again.  Marry the woman God has chosen for him.  I can't wait to see it all and soak it all in.

Now, some pictures to lighten the mood:

Positive Test

Big Sis Shirts

Willow Tree Gifts.  Left from Fran, Right from Curtis, middle From me to Alex.

First Picture

Had to get this just in case it was a girl.

Boy or Girl?

It's a boy!!! And a delicious cake!

Very appropriate.

Student Artwork.

Hospital hat!  Go State!!

Sequence of Growing Belly: